Snapchat's AI goes rogue and then lies about it

Also: Pink Floyd becomes Think Floyd, (not) Twitter's Nazi problem, and how to grow old as gracelessly as possible

Tay Tay Snapchatting with her robot friends. Source: Midjourney.

It's been a weirder week than most in the world of tech. Here are some stories you may have missed (and some you will wish you had).

We start with bots behaving badly on a social media platform not designed for anyone older than Taylor Swift.

Snap, crackle & pop

Snapchat fans (which does not include me, because I still can't figure the damned thing out) are freaking out after its My AI tool went a little rogue this week. The thing is supposed to act as a kind of virtual friend, responding to your Snapchat stories with "wow that was great" or "gosh, you're incredibly hot" or "won't you please be my snuggle bunny?" (I'm totally making this up because, as noted, I have no friggin' idea how to use Snapchat).

Instead, for reasons no one can explain, it posted a "story" — a bizarre 3-second video of what appears to be a wall meeting a ceiling. [1]

Then, when presumably thousands of Snapchat users responded with "WTF?", the AI lied to them, saying variously that it was "a cool picture that I wanted to share," "my friend's wall," and "a random snap of my dog being silly." [2]

And then My AI started denying that it ever posted a story, because it's not programmed to do that. All the company will say is that it was a "temporary outage" and a "technical glitch."

The good news: AI doesn't know how to use Snapchat any more than I do.

The bad news: We're all gonna die.

All in all it's just another brick in our tombs

A few weeks ago I reported on how researchers at the University of Texas were able to use AI to read peoples' minds. Now scientists at UC Berkeley (Go Bears) have figured out how to tune in the radio station playing inside all of our heads.

By attaching electrodes directly to brains of epileptic patients, measuring the electrical output as they listened to Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall, Part 1," and applying a little AI magic, the UCB researchers were able to decode their brain signals and recreate the music (sort of).

This is what it sounded like:

Granted, this is a bit like listening to Pink Floyd underwater after consuming too many magic mushrooms. Still, this technology could eventually help people who've suffered a stroke better understand the musicality of speech.

Not to worry, though. Per the report:

Because these intracranial electroencephalography (iEEG) recordings can be made only from the surface of the brain — as close as you can get to the auditory centers — no one will be eavesdropping on the songs in your head anytime soon.

Thank god for that. Because nobody needs to know how often "Come on Eileen" plays inside my brain. [3]

How did anyone Nazi this coming?

Under its new management, the website formerly known as Twitter famously welcomed back all the fascists, Qanon cultists, white supremacists, conspiracy kooks, and assorted other human bacteria that had been exiled by the previous regime. (Because, FREE SPEECH, amirite?)

The company's new CEO then declared that, despite all this, (not) Twitter was somehow a kinder/gentler place for advertisers to hawk their wares, safe from this "awful but lawful" content.

Imagine their surprise when companies like Adobe, Amazon, Office Depot, Samsung, and others found their ads bumping uglies with accounts run by Nazis. Specifically, these guys:

NewAmericanUnion then found its account suspended. Turns out even FREE SPEECH has limits.

I’m sure they’re all ‘very fine people’. [4]

Nifty ways to leave your lover (out of old photos)

Researchers in Turkey are developing a way to seamlessly edit people or objects out of photos using a simple text prompt. Inst-Inpaint is a research project built around the Hugging Face AI model.

Instead of having to learn Photoshop to artfully remove objects, you upload an image to this tool and say "Get that shite the hell out of here." (I paraphrase). And Shazam! It's gone.

Source: Marktechpost.

If you are plagued by your phone constantly throwing memories of your ex in your face when you least want to see them, this tool is for you. [5]

Johnson & Johnson

What do you do when you're a man with too much money, a high tolerance for pain, and a desperate desire to never grow old? You inject magical chemicals into your penis, of course.

As reported by The Daily Beast, Bryan Johnson (who sold Venmo to PayPal for $800 million back in 2013), has spent more than $2 million on a mission to become 18 again, or at least look like it. Part of that plan involves a Penis Rejuvenation regimen using "focused shockwave therapy," and then oversharing the details on social media.

Because what man doesn't want a pickle for a penis? Source: (not) Twitter.

Per the report:

The painfulness of the treatment, Johnson casually explains, clocks in at a seven out of 10, though “towards the tip of the shaft it’s probably 9.5 out of 10.” [6]

Wait, it gets worse. Johnson's Johnson is far from the only bodily organ getting the Peter Pan treatment.

As Bloomberg characterized Johnson’s mission in a January profile, “He wants to have the brain, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, tendons, teeth, skin, hair, bladder, penis and rectum of an 18-year-old.” [7]

The idea is that Johnson is using his body as an experimental platform for anti-aging technology that could, theoretically, help other people with too much money and no sense of personal boundaries live far too long.

Because that's what the world desperately needs: Vampire tech-bros with permanent hard-ons.

Have I gone too far? If you're still reading this, please register your complaints in the comments, and use the button below to inflict this suffering on others.

[1] Or possibly an undiscovered Rothko from his Bland Pastels period.

[2] Apparently imaginary friends also have imaginary dogs.

[3 And if I've done my job correctly, it's now playing inside yours. You're welcome.

[4] Yes, I changed this to something less offensive. Even I have limits, I guess. Who knew?

[5] What the world really needs is an AI tool that automatically identifies photos of your ex, then adds 30 pounds and a harelip to each image.

[6] I probably should have included some kind of trigger warning for this blog post. My apologies.

[7] Ewww.