Geek chic: When high tech meets haute couture

Is that AI in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?

Up close and fashionable with the Humane Ai pin. Source: 9to5Google/Humane.

AI is rapidly evolving from something we use (or try to avoid using) to something we carry with us wherever we are. And it may soon become something we wear.

In fact, AI has already made its debut on the Paris runway. Last week, models wearing the Humane Ai Pin strutted down the catwalk at the Caperni Spring Summer Show at Paris Fashion Week.

The Pin looks like a cross between the communicator badges worn by Federation officers in Star Trek and a "Hello, My Name Is..." sticker worn by nerds at a Star Trek convention. [1]

The matchbook-sized device contains a camera, a projector, and a speaker. According to a TED Talk by Humane Ai co-founder Imran Chaudhri, you can use it to answer calls (it projects caller ID information onto your hand), ask it where to buy stuff nearby, translate from one language into another (using an AI-generated clone of your voice), recite your calendar events and messages, and show it a candy bar and ask if contains something that will kill you (if you're deathly allergic to one of its ingredients). And it will do all of this even if you've left your phone at home.

OMG, Bethany again? I really need to block her number. Source: TED Talks.

The actual Pin, available in always-fashionable black or white, will become available to non-runway models starting on November 9. Presumably that's when we will learn more about what it costs and what it can really do.

Meta and Microsoft enter the fray

In the meantime, if you're looking for a fashion accessory that screams I'm a Geek With a Six-Figure Income And I'm Not Afraid to Show It, you can slip on a pair of Meta smart glasses. For the last couple of years, the parent company of Facebook and Instagram has collaborated with EssilorLuxottica [2] on high-tech $300 Ray Ban Wayfarers. The latest models, coming to stores in mid October, feature a 12-megapixel camera that can capture a minute of HD video, custom bass-heavy speakers, and Meta's AI conversational assistant that can answer questions and allow you to pretend you have friends.

I'll let Facebook's marketing muppets take it from here:

From music festivals and birthday parties to first steps, graduations, and beyond, Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses free you from the constraints of a hand-held camera. Instead of keeping the world at arm’s length (or worse, missing out on the action completely as you struggle with your smartphone’s lock screen), Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses let you snap a photo or video clip from your unique point of view — allowing you to not only relive the moment, but really live in the moment, too. [emphasis in original]

(I bet they were all high-fiving each other when they came up with the "relive/really live in" bit.)

Not to be left out of the high-tech accessory race, Microsoft has filed a patent for an AI-powered backpack that does, well, a little bit of everything.

A drawing from Microsoft's patent application. Bananas not included. Source: Extreme Tech.

Per Extreme Tech:

The [patent filing] describes a backpack that leverages a microphone, camera, and pressure sensor in the straps to take in the user’s environment. The backpack then provides feedback and other useful information via speakers and haptics. A compass, GPS unit, and biometric sensor (the details of which are kept vague in the application) also help to process user requests, from directions home to the safest possible ski routes.

The backpack, which is already generating comparisons to the one worn by Dora the Explorer, doesn't actually exist and may never exist. But having AI sewn into our clothing and accessories is probably unavoidable.

Whether anyone besides the geekerati will spend money for this sort of thing is another question. But I think a lot of people will, for the same reason we all carry smartphones: We're addicted to convenience, and we suffer from increasingly limited attention spans. We can't wait to get home to look something up on the Internet; we need to know right now. And why bother digging into your pocket and unlocking your phone when you can just ask your backpack?

No pain, no gain

Finally, there's a wearable AI device that is painful in a more literal way. Pavlok is a wristwatch-sized wearable designed to break your bad habits by delivering a shock when you do something naughty.

Nope, not kidding.

Like pretty much every fitness band and smartwatch, Pavlok tracks your steps, activity, and sleep. But after that, things start to get a little kinky. If you find yourself doing something you're trying to stop doing (like smoking cigarettes or comparing your beloved to the tires on an aging automobile) you tap a button in the app and ZAP! Up to 340 volts of electricity are sent to your wrist (or wherever else you're wearing the device) [3].

Side view of the zapper — I mean, behavioral modification device. Source: Pavlok.

Per the website:

Pavlok works by associating the habit you want to change or improve with a slightly uncomfortable electrical impulse. The device helps train your brain to associate the behavior you want to change with the uncomfortable stimulus. In as little as a few weeks of associating the two with consistent use, your brain begins to say:

“Hey wait a second. Maybe I don’t like smoking.”
“Hold on. Maybe I don’t need that second donut.”

Now, the ball is back in your court.You know that friend who won’t eat Taco Bell anymore after she got a terrible case of food poisoning? [4] Or your other friend who swore off alcohol after having three too many shots?

That’s aversive conditioning. [5]

Hmmm, maybe I don't really like having live jumper cables clamped to my nipples. Guess I'll stop eating jelly beans.

Next time I'll think twice before taking my space heater into the bath with me.

That's the last time I'll be sticking my tongue into that light socket.

Of course, if you want to use aversive conditioning without spending $220 for a high-tech dominatrix, you can always just put a rubber band around your wrist and give it a snap whenever you do something bad.

The AI is watching

To be honest I'm not seeing a lot of AI in Pavlok, even though it was named one of the "7 Best AI Wearables in 2023" by this deeply obscure website that makes money by persuading you to click on affiliate links. (I'm sure its ratings are totally legit.)

But the use case for AI here is pretty clear. Connect the device to a camera and a microphone and it can work automatically. Reaching for another helping of cheese curds? ZAP! Cursing at that jerk who just cut you off in traffic? ZAP! Mindlessly humming the Pina Colada song? ZAP! ZAP!! ZAP!!!

Once Elon perfects his brain-computer interface, Pavlok (or something like it) will be able to punish you just for thinking bad thoughts.

And if I'm not already dead by then, I soon will be.

How will you wear your AI? Offer your nerdy fashion tips in the comments below.

[1] Spock ears optional.

[2] Is that a great name for a Bond villainess, or what?

[3] As far as I am aware they do not make a codpiece, though I bet they get a lot of requests.

[4] Unless, like me, you believe food poisoning is the most exciting part of eating at Taco Bell.

[5] According to multiple studies cited by Pavlok, electroshock aversion therapy has been used to successfully treat smoking, overeating, nail biting, skin scratching, hair pulling, gambling, chronic coughing, drug addiction, overt aggression, compulsive handwashing, sadistic fantasies, and obsessive ideation. One study claims that electro-shocks cured habitual marijuana smokers of their wake-and-bake habits while raising their collective IQ by 6 percent. Not sure that was worth it.